25 December 2013

Hafiz Adewuyi

The Curse of the lonely bathroom

Every once in a while, this rather strange phenomenon occurs in my house.

A member of the family - say Zifah - desperately needs to do a number two.

Unfortunately, the main bathroom is in use. As there is only one alternative - and with mother nature calling on the top of her voice - he has no option but to go for the other bathroom. It is expedient to say at this point that this second bathroom is pretty remote from the rest of the apartment.

Zifah soon arrives at his destination and in no time, is plunked down on the bowl, initiating a most hedonistic activity. After a long pause..........................................................................

Yeah, task completed, time to flush.

Now, it is also expedient for you to know that for some reason, the flush feature of the WC in this bathroom is buggy

Bug description: when you flush, everything does not go down :$ .

As a temporary workaround to this bug, there is one paint bucket like that on the floor of this bathroom. We fill it with water after each use  to facilitate convenience for the next user

Zifah uses the water in the bucket to flush and everything is fine. Now, it's time to do the ritualistic bucket refilling. This is where the potential of actualizing the bathroom curse is born. He connects the stout orange hose to the wash-hand basin tap, and directs its other end downwards, at the bucket's open end. He opens the tap; half-aware that he just set up stage for a mistake that has happened one too many times.

Zifah's id tells him to stay and watch the bucket fill; it will not take more than 5 minutes, she says. Just before Id gets a chance to make her point, Zifah's hubristic ego snatches the mic from her and literally pushes Zifah out of the room. "You don't have time for this", he screams after him. As Zifah staggers towards the axis of the apartment, he can hear Id try to call him back. "You don't want this to happen again, I know; and you can't be too careful", she says. This time, before Ego can pitch in again, SuperEgo intervenes. Naturally leaning towards Ego's side, she decides to go with him. However, to pacify Id, she tells Zifah everything will be fine if he leaves the door open. Zifah agrees. "I'm sure to hear the water spill if at all I get absent-minded and forget the filling bucket", he muses.

Fast-forward by thirty minutes and Zifah is on the living room couch. He's actually been there for the last thirty minutes ;-), watching Nat Geo Wild. A captivating documentary on life in the scorching Kalahari desert just went off. The next show on the program starts immediately; and it's called The Dolphins of Bar Beach :p.

As soon as the show starts, the water in the video draws Zifah's mind to the bucket of filling water in the remote bathroom. A little too late. "I warned you", Id says as Ego flashes a smirk from a distance. Zifah feels like a total boob for allowing this happen again. Some one should have said "Once beaten, twice shy" does not apply to boobs.

He catches a moment to turn off the T.V. before storming off to the cursed bathroom. The floor is overflowing with spilled water, just as expected. Zifah spends a moment wishing he had listened to Id. Not like that could be of any use at this point. He gets to work, doing the needful. 

Getting the floor dry typically takes between fifteen and thirty minutes of absolutely self-inflicted labor.

The last time this happened, my sister (pictured above) was the victim. That night - having seen this happen too many times - I postulated that there has to be some spirits behind this phenomenon. It so happens that these spirits have very good reason for manipulating humans into activating this occasional spill.

The room, being a remote and occasionally used one, hardly gets any cleaning. Thus, the spirits that live in the room decided to formulate this potent dark spell. The dark spell of forgetfulness is cast on whoever dares to defile the toilet in their room. In effect (depending on the object's .... toughness), water (a lot) will most likely get spilled. When that happens, whether the victim likes it or not, he/she has to mop up the spilled water. That way, the spirits' habitation gets an overdue wash, howbeit not intended. 

Win - lose :-| 

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25 December 2013 at 23:25 delete

Lovely write up and I look beautiful in the pic.

19 June 2014 at 12:44 delete This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.