23 March 2016

Hafiz Adewuyi

"You can now smile", says WhatsApp


whatsapp-smiley-emoji
You can now smile on WhatsApp!
It is to my total delight and probably that of thousands of other users that WhatsApp's suite of fascinating emoji now includes a regular smiley. Year after year, we were forced to resort to using a typographic emoticon ":-)" whenever we wanted to express subtle delight in a chat. Cos' the simplest icons available on WhatsApp for expressing delight were these:

Exaggerated WhatsApp smiley emojis

Either you close your eyes, show off your teeth or you open your mouth wide. Crazy innit. I suspect the designers' conception of delight to be so out of this world. Tell me about it.

One would wonder what triggered the release of the smiley emoji after so many years. Not like it would have been any complicated task to have done it in previous years or even at the start, considering the quality of the product's development/design team. Did enough people not complain, or was it a philosophy or something of that sort? I wonder, but my wonder is not compelling enough to push me into going out there to search for deeper knowledge. So, I'll just remain in my state of wonder till a truck comes by to snap me out of it.

I particularly like the twist introduced by the upside down smiley emoji (pictured above). I really don't get what one would be trying to portray by smiling upside down instead of otherwise. Though, that does not stop me from using it when my instincts tell me that using this would be more accurate and exciting than using a face-up smiley. Don't ask me, it's pure instinct and I can't explain the difference or why I use one over the other in any logical way.

to smiling...
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13 March 2016

Hafiz Adewuyi

A mother's day ode to mum

It's coming late, I know. But an ode to mummy is long overdue. I've wanted to do one for years.

DISCLOSURE I wrote this as a submission to get mum an Uber hookup last Valentine's day. Unfortunately, it did not make the cut. But it's okay. I can still post it on my blog if Uber thinks it's not good enough. I think it is.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, MUM
My mum is an amazingly beautiful and strong person, so much so that I think no other person in my life is deserving of the Uber hookup than she is. Permit me to explain.

We lost my dad (her husband) to death, fifteen years ago; she was 35, while I and my two sisters were kids. For the better part of these fifteen years, she's devoted all of her energy and resources into ensuring that we get the best leverage in life. We might have felt my dad's absence in that we've had one parent instead of two for most of our lives, but with the few resources within her reach, mum sacrificed all to ensure our most vital needs for proper development were seamlessly available to us.

I will never forget my days as a boy in the boarding house, when she would travel through miles and miles from Lagos mainland to the state's outskirts alone, just to see that I was alright. The tears that would pool in my eyes as I saw her vanish in the distance - after a visit - are worth a thousand words. Only now as an adult do I fully appreciate how much work it is to sit through hours and hours of traffic, and all the time, by yourself, when you could easily inquire the well-being of your kid from a resident guardian.

Picture collage of mum and I:

Lovely family
Today, the youngest child in the family is a Bachelor's degree holder, with the oldest holding a Master's degree. I myself hold a Bachelor's degree and I'm happily putting my acquired skills to practice at work. All these are realities, only because mom decided to love me and my siblings above every other thing that demands her attention in life.

But mum has not stopped the outflow of love, no. Not even now when it appears I've outgrown the need for it. My work schedule is crazy. In the midst of this, she presents herself as a willing steward, ever ready to help me contact the technician, speak to a friend, or do whatever else it takes to ensure I make progress in my outside work endeavors. I wish mum could be here forever.

My mum is awesome and better love than from her, I have not experienced in my 25 years on planet earth. She's an embodiment of love and a special Valentine's treat is an experience she more than deserves for all of her sacrifice. I hope you can help with that.
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Hafiz Adewuyi

Watch DSTV for free in Nigeria

I'm a self-admitted cheapskate. I think I'm the kind of person who likes to put all my chips on the table to minimize surprises. And that's exactly what I'm doing in this paragraph. So, you won't think you've dug out the most valuable piece of information in the history of mankind when at the end of the post, you shake your head and say to yourself, "This dude is so cheap"! Thank you, but I know too and I'm proud of it.

That done and dusted, another thing I would like to admit is that the title of this post is intentionally misleading and is solely intended to gather views for this post. It's shady of me to do this, but I know it will increase the visibility of this post, which is my ultimate intention. Phew, I feel like such a con. Now, let's get to the meat of the post.

REAL TITLE: How to evade 100 naira surcharge on DSTV subscription payment

TL,DR: You can pay exact amount (no surcharge) for your DSTV subscription by paying through http://eazy.dstv.com/. Boycott your internet banking. Shun the ATM. Ignore the dealer's shop. Delete your Quickteller account. Obey the cheapskate's manifesto and pay your DSTV bill through DSTV's self-service website. Convenience fee and its beneficiaries can go... *fill in most vulgar expletive you can think of*.

PROCEDURE FOR PAYING YOUR DSTV BILL FOR FREE

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Hafiz Adewuyi

Thank you, Victor

I just want to thank Victor for being the most expressive supporter my writing has ever had.

If you're a writer, you can relate to how important, receiving positive feedback for your writing is. Victor, my good friend is never short of that. He's subscribed to my blog. He lets me know when he's done reading my post. He lets me know what he thinks about it. Furthermore, he encourages me explicitly to keep on writing, that what I'm doing is something inspiring, something admirable, something entertaining. If my writing has improved, both in quality and in frequency this year, it is because of Victor's single-handed input.

Thank you Victor. You deserve more than this.
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Hafiz Adewuyi

First blogging dividend

Something happened on the evening of last Friday. And I bet you, it was amazing. So amazing, it might be the best thing that has happened to me this year. Damn! We're almost quarter-way in already. I was so excited that I just had to call my sister, who I think is the person who could most easily appreciate the event. If you know me, you would know I'm not the type that is easy to impress or excite in this manner.

I'm preparing to head out for my night shift work when I receive a call from the most unlikely person. It's Idowu, the fashion designer whose suit-making business, I featured in this post. A post which managed to reach critical acclaim by all standards. Just search for affordable custom-made suits in Nigeria and you'd get a sense of what I'm talking about. The post makes it to number 1 on Google for such a valuable search term; nuff said.

With the information in the last paragraph at hand, it's not so surprising to know that Idowu was calling to express his profound gratitude at the immense free publicity my singular post had brought to his small business. "Just today, two people have already called me", he said, "and this is how it happens every single day", he added. What better way to express it than to make me a brand new pair of suits for absolutely free. Of course, with a couple of office shirts to go with it. He was calling me to ask for what colors I would prefer for each of the clothes he wanted to make me!

If I've ever felt so elated as I did in the moment the reality of what was happening settled upon me, I cannot remember when it was. It felt almost too good to be true that this was happening, but then, it undoubtedly was. The feeling of fulfillment I felt in that moment was nothing short of profound.

Looking back on that moment, I'm sure that the feeling I got is one I want to get everyday. I want to get acknowledgement like this, that the work of my hands directly has an impact in improving the quality of life of someone out there. In no better way could anyone say "More power to your writing" than this. Now, I feel deeply convinced that starting and keeping this blog is one of the best decisions I have ever made.

Let me share something deeply personal with you. I genuinely want to help people around me with the few gifts I have. When I see the cleaners in my office and the apprently bleak future ahead of them, I do not feel superior or lucky. I feel worried that in my privileged position, I'm not doing anything to improve the outlook of their future. Same applies to the little boys scrubbing windscreens uninvited and hawking petty goods in the midst of heavy Lagos traffic. Perhaps, this little reward will spur me in being more creative in this pursuit of using my gifts to improve the quality of lives of more people that I come across.

It was this passion that inspired me to write about Idowu's business in the first place. He was doing a great job, but totally missing out on the increase that being visible on the internet could bring to his business. My initial thought was to make some money off him in return (I paid for my first suit) by proposing building him a website. I actually went ahead to discuss this with him, but he apparently was reluctant. He had mentioned that one of his brothers was gonna do this for him. So, ahead I went to write that beautiful post about his business. Today, my reward for giving freely is here. And for that, I feel blessed to be saddled with the burden of this passion to be positively impacting on my environment.

Trust me to update this post with the picture of me in my brand new gift clothes as soon as I get it. Yippee.
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5 March 2016

Hafiz Adewuyi

Purposeful Locomotion

In this post, I'm going to talk about "Why I walk pretty fast". You probably couldn't care less about this. But, it's my blog baby. Just like you cannot tell Linda Ikeji not to plaster shit all over her blog's background for the right amount of money... Well, you get my point.

Like yesterday, I remember the speech that put fire to my heels. It was on the assembly grounds back in Ijanikin (my High school). The Principal, in a passionate speech had expressed her strong dissatisfaction with the leisurely manner in which we students walked between classroom blocks when we had to relocate for a next lesson.

Well. The speech touched me, in that I totally accepted the truth and value in her advice. Essentially, we needed to be more discipline with our time, which walking leisurely between classrooms directly contradicts.

Right there on those sandy grounds, that day, I made up my mind to always have my destination on my mind whenever I'm moving between places. From then on, I avoided most friendly banter along my way that could side-track me in this decision.

Well, the product of that single decision by a little Hafiz is a bigger Hafiz who always walks like there's someone on his heels, even when he's just walking to the next room to refill his water bottle.

The sacrifice of course that I've had to pay for this resolution is that since my singular goal for walking, most times is to go do something specific at the destination, I pay no attention to what I look like when I'm walking (apart from maintaining an upright posture). This necessarily precludes me from the class of men who can have any walking swag. I suspect that my walking sometimes brings to my observers' mind, the image of a programmed robot. I consider it occasionally, I feel a little embarrassed, and just let the consideration fizzle off. Nobody truly cares about how I walk. It's all in my head.

I'm glad I listened to you, Mrs Okebukola. I can only imagine how much time heeding your advice has bought me in life.
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Hafiz Adewuyi

You won't believe what costs the same as a beat-down car

A few weeks back, while I was on sick leave, I took out an hour from my ample free time to go visit Cycle Hub Plus (don't tell my boss); a bike store in Ikoyi, Lagos. Getting a proper bicycle is something I've wanted to do for quite a while, biking being one of my very few interests. So, months ago, I approached a fellow church member whom I'd been able to recognize as an avid biker.

She was happy to refer me to Cycle hub plus, although with a clause that it's usually best to go to a proper bike store abroad, as they do provide custom bike-fitting services. Her recommendations as per bikes was to look out for either:

- Road bikes or;
- Hybrids, which is like a combo. of road and mountain bikes. 

Those two types are the best for our naija roads, she had explained. It briefly played on my mind to consider asking her what my budget should be, but I quickly dumped the thought; of course, for egoistic reasons.

Okay. So, my journey to the store was very short (Lekki to Ikoyi). One bus and a rather long trek; cos' I didn't want to pay keke man for a ten-minute walking distance, seeing as I had all the free time in the world on my hands. You know what else was short? My time in the bike store.

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