16 April 2016

Hafiz Adewuyi

Why I don't watch stuff

TL;DR: "I don't have a life, cos' I don't deserve a life. I owe my life to the slaving of my predecessors. Have you considered that the amenities, in which by indulging, I am expected to have a life, are only here, because their creators did not 'have a life' themselves?"
For the benefit of those who do not know, I do not watch TV.  I do not follow any series. I hardly ever watch movies. I'm entirely out of tune with Nollywood, cos' I don't watch the TV to listen to the news or watch any shows. I hardly go to social events like weddings (not even to show solidarity), cos' they're often draining, not rewarding, not a worthy cause for my expensive free time.

Below is an exhaustive list of my willful free-time activities:

- Meeting with friends, dates (when our schedules are both convenient; which is rarely)

- Poring over the internet: mainly to satisfy my curiosity or solve day-to-day problems, cos' most people around me on a day-to-day basis aren't as helpful as I would want. So, this leaves me in a situation where I often have to go the arduous route of finding answers online. Could it just be that I'm inept at soliciting for help within my network? (Right now, I'm looking for someone who can refer me to a laundry business that offers "iron-only" service. My internet searches have returned null, because Nigerians do not produce enough. What if someone who has used this sort of service had written about it on their blog, so others needing such a niche service around them would benefit? What if someone had built a location-based recommendation sourcing social network?).

- Reading a book

- Going out to somewhere I want to be (mall, church, outdoors)

- Sleeping (cos' I only get about 5 hours on weekdays)

- Doing a chore 

- Social media, of course (WhatsApp mostly)

- Eating (I really love carefully prepared food)

- Exercising (mostly running)

- Writing (journal, blog, planning)

Seriously, that pretty much sums up what I do with all of my free time, everyday of my life. If there are any items missing, they cannot be more than a couple, which I probably don't do that regularly. Cos' of course if I did, it'd be at the top of my mind.

Well, why am I writing about this? It's because I get asked, too many times, what I'm doing in the office on a weekend; why I don't have a life. While I do not look down on the more regular activities that people invest their free time in, this relatively unconventional selection of free-time activities is my choice, 100%. 

I should let you know, that I do not even think that I have made the right choice in these activities. For one, I'm a total bore in a typical gathering of people in my age group, because I can't relate to much of the mutually consumed media.

The literary piece below will do its best to communicate the thought process behind my choice of free-time activities.

I WANT TO DO, not watch!
One afternoon, just this past week, I turned on the Diesel generator at home for about 4 minutes to microwave my lunch. While idling for my food to be ready, my mind was thinking how easy it was to get my food from 'cold' to 'ready-to-eat'. At how comparatively difficult it would have been, had someone not put their head down to think about the good that designing a microwave oven could bring to the lives of millions of people in decades to come. Utter gratefulness is the only description for the emotion that washed through me in that moment.

The kind of muse I just described above is something my mind now processes subconsciously as I experience life. It's become internalized that I owe it to my existence to give something tangible back to mankind, no matter how little, as often I have the chance. By privilege alone, I have access to so many luxuries in life, thanks to the sacrifice of historical people I don't even know. People who dedicated their lifetimes to improving the living conditions of mankind as a whole. The quality of life of a Pharaoh in Ancient Egypt would be a big fat joke, when you place amenities available to him against those the middle-class Nigerian family can access readily today. 

How much of this exponential development is thanks to the input of me, my countrymen or my ancestors? I will argue next to none, because I see the evidence around me everyday. Our transportation system has been stuck in time for decades. You make several millions a year, yet you're still living in poverty because you have to pay for electricity, a decent environment and decent public transportation through your nose. Just this week, I was reliably informed that some employees of a private Nigerian organization ferried dissatisfaction over becoming redundant (as the bulk of their jobs has been automated by newly acquired technology) to the MD of the organization!!! Like, can people get any more backward than this? Get a clue about life, suckers; life gives no shit about your sustainability, how much less your hapless MD!

If I've been able to communicate anything in the last few paragraphs, I believe you can start to figure out how spending the weekend as a consumer of 'entertainment' goes directly against my core values. So engraved is the mindset of producing, rather than consuming in my free time, that these things that used to count for entertainment barely catch my attention nowadays. I don't know if this is a good thing. A vital part of me is laid to rest, but I do not give much thought to it, because I arrived here of complete free will.

Do I end up producing much in my free time? Not really, because I'm human, because more often than not, I end up spending the minimal percentage of my free time producing, even though I set out to do just that. But I believe that putting myself in conditions where producing is more likely, is a giant move in the right direction.

Next time someone asks me why I don't have a life, I will boldly spell out the TL;DR of this article to them. Because, that is the utter truth of how I feel.

P.S.
I would love nothing more than a response to this, from someone justifying how I need to have more of a life, despite my convictions about productivity vs consumption.
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9 April 2016

Hafiz Adewuyi

Parking for free at The Palms Shopping Mall, Lekki

"Will you be leaving immediately", the cashier asks from behind the glass window of the paypoint with a subtle smile playing in her eyes. A smile quickly starts to form on my cheeks too. I can't resist blushing when interacting with a pretty girl whose body language is, ... welcoming. The delight sure must find a way out, don't you think? Behind my muffled smile, I respond in the affirmative.

She places the parking coin on some electronic device and with a smile, tells me that my parking fee is nil, since my car has not been parked for more than thirty minutes. I smile back in pleasure, the cheapskate center of my ego, having been properly massaged. If she is looking closely, she should see a sparkle in my eyes as I step away from her workplace and make for my car.

As I approach my car, Cheapskate Zifah takes center-stage and begins to ponder on the implication of the cashier asking: "Will you be leaving immediately". I'd like to think you already know how Cheapskate Zifah dissected this question.

The cashier's question betrays a possibility that I could have walked right back into the mall after my coin had been checked out, spent as much time as I wanted in there and driven out, after parting with only zero naira for parking. 

Except of course, they have a mechanism that sets a limit on how long after paying, you can remain in the lot, before your payment expires. Well, as much as I would like to imagine that their systems are not that sophisticated (bearing the cashier's question in mind), this mechanism might just be in place, as it honestly is not all that far-fetched to implement. 


Hey you daredevils out there, you can go ahead to test the sophistication of their e-parking systems. Let me know how this goes. Be warned though, the last time before today that I paid for parking at the Palms, I tarried for about 20 minutes after clearing my coin for 3 - 4 hours (300 naira). Guess what, when I got to the exit, the computer asked me to "go pay for parking". I escaped embarrassment, only because I had the payment receipt right beside me and was able to quickly present this for the attendant's inspection. He looked at it and then and only then did he manually trigger the boom barrier to open. One would wonder if this was a technical glitch or a direct consequence of my tarrying beyond post-payment limit. 

Because I'm a very generous guy (unlike Cheapskate Zifah), and as such, have a strong tendency to give tips, I will also tell you how on two different occassions, I have driven to the Circle mall (Jakande, Lekki, Lagos) and escaped paying for parking. Wait for it.......

Okay.. I can't stand teasing your fragile little heart for any long time. I just park at the abandoned filling station right beside the mall, step out of the car with a straight face and jug into the mall. Easy as pie!

Now, I can never deny how much of a cheapskate a.k.a akagum I am. No, not after exposing myself on this blog more times that I can count on the fingers of my left hand. Cheapskate Zifah just wants to make money and not let go of any kobo of it without a good enough justification for doing so. And when we talk about good enough, all that counts is his undiluted opinion.

P.S.
You might wonder what all of this fuss is about. Oh well. No one that I've spoken to about the new parking fee policy at the Palms, which was only introduced last month (March 2016) thinks it's justified to the patrons of the mall in any way. Except that in most other similar locations in Lagos, customers pay for parking (by the hour!!!).

Hope you see my point now...
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2 April 2016

Hafiz Adewuyi

Kings' breakfast at Sao Cafe, Lekki

Today has started on a really great note. I feel accomplished for the weekend already, howbeit that I won't be lounging in bed for the rest of it.

I started off the day with a 30-minute run which took me through a lap (back-and-forth)  of Lekki-Ikoyi bridge and through Admiralty way. Like I told my new bestie (response was an eye-roll), I'm really starting to get a drift of this running thing. Saturday, 16th April 2016 will be the first day when I will complete two unbroken laps of running through the Lekki-Ikoyi bridge. I'm not worried, knowing that Guettapen music is ever ready to be my anesthetic workout buddy. Hopefully, I escape with no injuries.

After the run, I headed home, cleaned-up and headed straight out for Prince Adelowo Adedeji street, Lekki Ph 1 in my rumpled shirt. I digress, but: "Are there some things I should give more of a f**k about; like what first impression wearing a rumpled shirt will give most people of me"?

Yes, that up there is the location of Sao Cafe, Lekki. Coincidentally, this street was a U-turn point for my morning run, so it was super easy to find. The venue had no huge sign outside the building, so I drove past a little before seeing it. And only because I was looking intently.

Highlife Church, Lagos is the only church which I currently identify with and worship at from time to time. More, or less, my church. And the Kings' breakfast is a men's fellowship, designed to allow adult male members come together in a casual setting to learn and discuss how they can apply godly principles in their day-to-day life activities.
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